The holiday season is often portrayed as a magical, joyful time, filled with love, laughter, and togetherness. You gleefully take effortless family photos and share them with all of your family and friends to admire. At least that's the story we are sold. The reality is, the holiday season can bring forth a unique set of challenges, stress and expectations. Juggling the responsibilities of motherhood, expectations of extended family and coping with looming deadlines can create an overwhelming amount of stress. 

You're not alone in this and below we explore 8 tips on how to navigate the maternal expectations and emotional toll this holiday season:

1. Managing Expectations:

Recognize that your experience of the holiday season as a mother may be different from others…and that is ok. You were raised with a long history of traditions, values and routines. Those routines don’t have to include the unconscious pressure of perfection or perceived expectations from others. Your table does not have to be decorated a certain way, the kids don’t have to eat a perfect meal and you aren’t required to serve your family exactly at the time you estimated. You can only do so much and are only responsible for your own behaviors. It's important to set realistic expectations for yourself, allowing room for self-compassion and flexibility. Remember, you are navigating an important role and it's okay to prioritize your own well-being. You deserve to enjoy this time, too.                                                                                                                                             

Pro Tip: Ask yourself these questions to help outline and guide expectations:

• What are my goals for this holiday gathering?
• What do I want to receive (i.e.: joy, happiness, memories)?
• What are two things, within my control, to help me achieve these things?

Write these out, identify a supportive person who would be authentically helpful in achieving these goals and share them to work together.

2. Communicate Openly:

Clear communication plays a vital role in managing holiday stress. Communicate your needs, boundaries, and limitations with your loved ones. Be open and honest about what you can handle, whether it's regarding the number of events you can attend or the level of involvement you can have during family gatherings. Asserting your needs and boundaries can help reduce stress and foster understanding.

Pro Tip: Talk with your partner or a natural support to identify and establish the minimum expectations for the holidays, which should include prioritizing your own joy. If you are hosting, you can make your own traditions and timetable. No one should demand you make a special dish with their (not so secret) secret recipe just because they made it that way years prior. Invite them to bring a dish to share if you like, but communicate what works best for you. 

3. Prioritize Self-Care:
Taking care of yourself is crucial during the holiday season as a mother. Prioritize self-care even in the midst of the festivities. Take breaks when needed, practice relaxation techniques, engage in activities that bring you joy, and ensure you're getting enough rest, get some fresh air, get moving. Remember, your well-being directly impacts the well-being of you, others and the overall holiday experience.

Pro Tip: Do you have little ones? Remember you're modeling the behavior they will learn. If prioritizing self-care is difficult, try reminding yourself that your self-care behaviors are a reflection of how your children will prioritize themselves in the future, too. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for them. 

4. Set Boundaries:
Establishing healthy boundaries is essential in managing holiday responsibilities and stress. It's okay to say "no" to certain events or additional commitments if they feel overwhelming. Remember, no is a complete sentence. Don't hesitate to delegate tasks or ask for help when needed. If no one comes to help, then recognize that some things can be left undone. Learn to prioritize your own well-being and the needs of your immediate family, allowing yourself to create a balanced and manageable holiday season.

Pro Tip: Remind yourself that your value is not tied to your abilities in the kitchen, gift giving nor holiday hosting. Your value does not change. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. 

5. Create New Traditions:
You have the opportunity to start your own holiday traditions that align with your family's needs and values. Let go of the pressure to replicate past traditions and focus on creating meaningful experiences for you and your family. This might involve starting new rituals, such as a quiet family dinner or a cozy movie night at home. Embrace the freedom to make the holiday season your own.

Pro Tip: New Traditions create new memories and excitement. The pressures of years before are no longer and we are left with only possibilities. Make something up, make it your own and make it fun!

6. Practice Mindfulness:
Mindfulness can be a powerful tool in managing stress and promoting a sense of calm during the holiday season. Take moments throughout the day to pause, breathe, and connect with the present moment. Engaging in mindfulness practices, such as meditation or mindful walking, can help you stay grounded and navigate the holidays with greater ease.

Pro Tip: Learning butterfly tapping or other ways to move a sensation/emotion in the body can help when moments arise throughout the holiday. Speak with a skilled therapist to learn and practice mindfulness techniques that best serve you. Teaching them to your children can also be a useful exercise.

7. Seek Support:
Remember that you don't have to go through this alone. Reach out for support from your partner, family, or close friends. Share your feelings and concerns with those who you trust and who can offer encouragement and understanding. Consider joining a new mothers' support group or seeking professional help from a therapist.

Pro Tip: Support is vital and if you’re not seeking it just yet, one opportunity worth exploring is journaling. Journal your thoughts, feelings, worries, goals and values to help support yourself in the next steps. Once you’ve established some outline, perhaps revisiting partners, friends or family to support would be beneficial. If you’re still unable to access those supports, exploring local warm lines and peer support lines are great resources. NAMI Wisconsin has a list of resources by clicking here.

8. Embrace Imperfection:
Yes, you read that right! The holiday season can often amplify expectations of perfection. As a mother, it's important to embrace imperfection and let go of the need for everything to be flawless. Celebrate the small moments and focus on the joy and love that surround you and your loved ones.

Remember, the most precious gift you can give is a happy and present you.

Here's one last Pro Tip: The recommendations outlined above can apply to anyone, not just those who identify as mothers. The stress of the holiday season impacts us all. In our next blog post, I will explore additional perspectives, but for now remind yourself that if you're reading this you could probably try some of these tips.

Remember, this blog post is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional help. If you're struggling with stress and mental health concerns, please reach out to a healthcare provider or mental health professional. You deserve wellness.